Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Recovery and moving forward...

So, I had to have surgery on the 16th of December. It was...unpleasant to say the very least. The procedure itself, wasn't as bad as it could have been, I suppose, it certainly was nothing compared to the last time that I had to have a surgical procedure for a kidney problem.

It did, however, take me 3 days to stop passing blood, which HURTS by the way, a lot. Then the problems were further compounded by the fact that I had an unusual, but not unheard of, reaction to one of the post-op medications the doctor prescribed. Unfortunately, that reaction made me miserable until we finally figured out what was going on yesterday. Thankfully, today is a big improvement overall, the dizziness and lightheadedness that plagued me thanks to the medication finally cleared up and I'm back at work now.

The back to work part I could have done without, but what are you going to do? With the holiday season, I haven't been able to get in contact with anyone at Lockheed yet to find out if I can start with them soon or not, so I continue to toil at my current place of employment. Hopefully, once the holidays get past us, everything will start seriously moving forward again. I certainly hope so at any rate.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Anxiety intensified

Sometimes it seems like everything in my life hinges on a single event, a pivot point so to speak. Now, for example, my entire life feels like I'm waiting to breathe again, and I have been for a couple of months now. It all comes back to getting the clearance I need to start this new job and get this tired old life of mine back in motion.

It's that moment that'll change everything, it'll completely reorder what currently comprises my daily life. And the anxiety attached to waiting for that moment is slowly killing me. The only good thing is that one of the FBI investigators, the gent who handled my interview, told me that all of the investigation packets were supposed to be back to the FBI by the 29th of November and that they were supposed to have made a decision by the 3rd of December. So... with any luck at all, I should hear something this week, or next week at the latest.

You'd think that knowing it was so close would help ease my inherent anxiety over everything, but instead its just making it worse. And then, when you throw in the additional fact that I'm scheduled to have a surgical procedure performed next week to correct a nasty little kidney stone I have, well, actually not so little, otherwise a surgery would be un-necessary...

Well, anyway, you get the idea. I feel like I'm living on pins and needles...and it's not a good feeling. If this continues for too much longer, I don't think I'll be able to take it.