Monday, December 05, 2005

Anxiety intensified

Sometimes it seems like everything in my life hinges on a single event, a pivot point so to speak. Now, for example, my entire life feels like I'm waiting to breathe again, and I have been for a couple of months now. It all comes back to getting the clearance I need to start this new job and get this tired old life of mine back in motion.

It's that moment that'll change everything, it'll completely reorder what currently comprises my daily life. And the anxiety attached to waiting for that moment is slowly killing me. The only good thing is that one of the FBI investigators, the gent who handled my interview, told me that all of the investigation packets were supposed to be back to the FBI by the 29th of November and that they were supposed to have made a decision by the 3rd of December. So... with any luck at all, I should hear something this week, or next week at the latest.

You'd think that knowing it was so close would help ease my inherent anxiety over everything, but instead its just making it worse. And then, when you throw in the additional fact that I'm scheduled to have a surgical procedure performed next week to correct a nasty little kidney stone I have, well, actually not so little, otherwise a surgery would be un-necessary...

Well, anyway, you get the idea. I feel like I'm living on pins and needles...and it's not a good feeling. If this continues for too much longer, I don't think I'll be able to take it.


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